not everyone’s cup of tea

I was on the phone with a beloved friend this morning – one of those people who I describe as a “critical friend,” because I can always count on her to love me and tell me the truth. I do the same for her.

As we talked about a challenging relationship with her boss, I told her how frustrated it makes me that he doesn’t get her awesomeness. My friend agreed, but then she quickly and honestly owned up to some of the reasons why she might rub him the wrong way. It was a list of the things that she has worked long and hard to come to terms with, things about herself that she nakedly and bravely faces every day — some of the reasons why I love her so much. Then she sighed and said:

“Oh well, I guess I’m not everyone’s cup of tea.”

Not everyone’s cup of tea.

This simple line struck me as an incredibly loving, freeing way to find peace with a difficult relationship. No judgment of self, no judgment of others, just not a match.

There’s an important difference between an attitude of “if you don’t like what you see, then suck it,” and gentle, honest acceptance of yourself and others.

From what I’ve seen, self-acceptance rarely comes without Owning Your Shit first.

Let’s face it — self-examination is exhausting, and so is Blaming Everyone Else. It’s all hard work.

 Click to Tweet.

“You have peace,” the old woman said, “when you make it with yourself.”
— Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

4 thoughts on “not everyone’s cup of tea

  1. connie

    I love this post Leigh, I my self am not everyone’s cup of tea and I have used this quote
    my self. I’ve always spoke my mine, its who I am, I’m not out to hurt anyone but I wont lie to
    them either. I always ask do you want the truth as I know it, and if not I wont say anything
    at all, but it is what sets us apart from everyone else. Thanks for sharing this..

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  2. Lori Anne

    “No judgment of self, no judgment of others, just not a match. There’s an important difference between an attitude of “if you don’t like what you see, then suck it,” and gentle, honest acceptance of yourself and others.”
    Such a critical distinction! I have often caught myself chewing on an offense or perceived rebuff and soothing my ego with the thought of “Well, I am what I am and if they don’t like it, tough.” or “It doesn’t bother me if they don’t like me!” or “But I’m so over it, I’ve moved on.” None of which is really true, if I’m still focused on the other person’s ‘failings’ or the event. I love the gentle truth of this little essay. Like so many profound truths, they seems so simple, yet take so much practice to really embody. A practice of grace towards oneself and others.

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    1. Leigh Hopkins Post author

      Now I’m quoting you, Lori Anne:

      “It doesn’t bother me if they don’t like me!” or “But I’m so over it, I’ve moved on.” None of which is really true, if I’m still focused on the other person’s ‘failings’ or the event.

      This is the essence of the piece – you got it!

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      Reply
  3. Kim

    This is spectacular! We can all learn something about who we are by remembering we are not perfect in everyone else’s eyes. That does not mean we have to change to accommodate them. We can gracefully accept our differences and smile.

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